Spoiled Pudding....

In 1976 A chick hit a possum in the road and said the words "Oh Crap, I just got this cleaned." Now that you've read these words, that possum will come meet you in the middle of the night and do the cha-cha at the foot of your bed, unless you post a comment to this message. Then you'll get three wishes granted. But the first two can only be for a candy bar. The last one can have anything to do with your favorite movie star, or the classic 70's rock band, Queen.

Oh and if your favorite color is purple. You're going to Die. Sorry

Puppy Farts: Look I Burned The Toast....

So a few days ago I was walking through my house when I realized I had no legs. I wasn't scared because this wasn't the first time but this time was different. Usually when I'm walking without my legs I'm shaped like a goose, but this time I had a hair cut. The really weird part is that 4 years ago a man called my house looking for Tony and I don't know a Tony, so maybe I should start breathing again. So after finding my legs I had to go to the zoo. I mean it was nearly 4:30 and I had yet to play with any gorilla balls. I grabbed my milking gloves put a jar of pickles in my pants and danced the sweet dance of camel toe joy. The air was filled with excitement. The children happy as fleas. My pants bursting with erections. A pirate came to me and delivered a package full of anal scabs from the battle of 1856 or "The Great Weasel Fight of '53". I had forgotten I bought them off of eBay. Now I can finally recreate the horrifying tale of how the west was won. As I entered the bat sanctuary I was approached by 3 elves, a bear, and a Mexican. They wanted my box of anal scabs and offered me a trade. They were willing to give me 4 stab wounds, a bowl of jelly, 1 bucket of fried frisbee yodels, and a barrel of piss. I thought long and hard, then fell asleep. When I woke up my legs were missing again but were replaced by the extras from the movie ET. Now we're getting somewhere. If only I can convince Barry the Horse Whisperer to stop hiding the remote control, then maybe I can get the 3 little pigs home from the circus before the Mustang Chorus lets out. But alas I am just one man with ET extras for legs and I can only do so much. So instead I'll just drive the beaver around in my hoopdy in search of the elusive Booby Faced Tit Mouse...... I'll be back!!!!!!!!

FUCK ME FRANCIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RHUBARB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!