Hello there loyal readers of The Boom Boom Report. Yurri here again with more bar time madness. After a lengthly lay off Yurri is back working the door at a stupider establishment. In fact I have been doing so for about 4 months now. Every Friday and Saturday night, and this time I'm not sober.
Let's see what acts of heroism Yurri can share with thee.....
First off let me start by explaining that almost every weekend I see the same crowd... and I mean the SAME crowd. This is a townie bar if there ever was one, but unlike the last bar this one is full of crack heads and drug dealers. If they're not selling it, they're smoking it. Seriously, this place is crawling with derelicts and the ass of society....and so I begin...
Friday I show up and I'm not yet through the door when a crazy local yells at Yurri and buys me a shot and a beer.... OH BOY! I do my shot, start enjoying my Guiness, and settle into my seat when an off duty officer approaches me with a shot of Jager....OH MY! I can't refuse the law. And so I drink. 15 mins into the night and I am realizing this is gonna be a long night. I must say the best part this night was when I learned that 2 of the bartenders, whom I hate, got into a fight because he was planning on moving out of her place to some other chick's place he was banging in NY, but the other chick had called his current girlfriend that night and told her. So she told him he had to get out of her place by the morning.... So the dickbag went from banging 2 chicks to none and no place to live in abotu 5 hours. HAHA, that's what you get for wearing a bandana like Rambo and trying to act like you're cooler then me...which you aren't PUTZ!
Saturday night was a little more eventful. It was UFC fight night so I had to charge everybody $5 to get in...YEAH, people hate that! So this monstrocity of a man who I'm going to guess is about 6' billion, and weighs close to 7 tons comes wobbling in with a $5 bill in 1 hand and a giant beer mug in the other hand. Now the large fat man has been there before so I was not surprised by his largeness, but the bringing of his own mug was a bit interesting. He kept holding the mug in front of my face and making a gurgling sound. I really didn't know what he wanted. He proceeded to tell me he went to some beer festival today where he won the grand prize....which was $200, some beer tokens, and this engraved beer mug. I was planning on giving him another prize...a swift kick in the pills if he didn't leave me the fuck alone. So he waddled to the bar where he ordered 2 pitchers...of course. About 2 hours later he was found sleeping on said bar. Yurri was hoping to God he wasn't going to have drag this land whale out, so I just poked him in the head and pointed him towards his beer. Thankfully some smallish girl arrived to drive him home. I think she just lured him out with twinkies and dove out of the way. After the fight some black dude was apparently pushing 2 girls and calling them whores...which for me is completely acceptable, but since they work at the bar I had to go do "stuff". I asked the guy if he could just move away from them, and he agreed and took a half step to his left. Nice one pecker head. I was planning on just leaving the situation alone had he actually moved, but not now. I told him he had to leave and of course he argued. The other doorman reinforced the issue by telling him to get out now. He agreed and said he would leave but didn't move. I yelled, "Look man I'm letting you WALK out." He said back, "You're not letting me do anything. You wanna tap? let's go." Well I didn't bring my tapping shoes, nor did I have my clogs, so throwing him out would have to do... Buh bye black man!
While sweeping up one of the bartenders asked me to crack her back....I did and I apparently broker her rib. I felt so bad, that I left while she was doubled over trying to breath.... suck it up lady!
P.S.
3 people got robbed at gun point in the parking lot on Saturday night.... Zippidity-Doo-Da-DAY!
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