OK, I've decided since my brain cannot come up with anything interesting to write on here and my life is pretty much boring, that I will begin to chronicle the activities that take place at the bar I work. I work as a bouncer at a local bar several nights a week. Sometimes during the week, sometimes on the weekend. It's your pretty standard sports bar and grill but being that I work 9pm-2am as a bouncer I usually come in contact with interesting people, events, altercations, and drunken stupidity.
Last night was Beer Pong Night, as every Tuesday is now-a-days, and it was dead. This place is so hit or miss that it boggles the mind. I can't for the life of me figure out people's drinking patterns. Aside from the regulars, that wouldn't miss a night if the Pope were in town giving seminars on sheep fucking, I never know who or what will be there.
I got there early last night and at 5 mins to 9 was already encountering punks with fake ID's. These guys usually get there way before 9 so as not to be carded at the door and somehow sneak by throughout the night and drink or get their really late after already drinking somewhere else and hope the doorman lets his guard down. Usually I could care less but since the place was empty and it was early, very early, I needed something to do. (Note to minors- when you are trying to pass off as over 21, do not come to a bar in a pack of 8, especially when 4 of them do not happen to have their ID's on them but they swear they're 21, and another kid for some reason is out in Bel Air, MD on a Tuesday night with a bunch of locals but he just happens to be from West Virginia.....uhhhhh, yeah that's not suspicious!) I inform them they will have to leave and much to my displeasure they don't try to argue and leave....DAMN! Now it's 9:05 and I'm bored again!!
Over the next hour people begin showing up for beer pong....and by people I mean 2 guys. Beer pong starts at 10:00....nobody else showed up to play until about 10:15 which is odd since there's usualy a good dozen teams waiting by 9:30.
The next 2 hours I spent amusing myself by watching the professional arm wrestling championship, little league world series of softball and ESPN News highlights while getting random text messages from my brother that included, "It's lick a nipple night" and "I just met my first black guy named Elvis"...these kept me entertained.
Somewhere around 12:00 this odd thing happened....people showed up.....at 12:00....on a Tuesday night. Who are these people and what do they do?? 10 girls and 6 guys come piling in and immediately thrust themselves into the action....hey we got a party now! Or at least something to keep me busy. There are now about 25-30 people in the bar and I realize that I will not be getting cut early and must stay till 2am..... I am not happy!
Odd statement of the night: On his way out of the door some middle aged hillbilly approaches me and proclaims, "I didn't know it was big boned girl night"... Normally this would have made me laugh for obvious reasons but since I was in a bad mood about staying their all night I just stared blankly at him. I also didn't understand it because the majority of the girls there were actually attractive and quite fit....whatever. Anyway, he repeated himself guessing that my non-laughter must have meant I didn't hear him correctly. I again stared blankly at him, to which he followed up with, "But the big girls give good head....." and walked out. I wanted him dead but that made me chuckle!
Roughly around 1:30 or last call, a girl approaches me and asks if I carded the tall blonde in the glasses. I answered, "Yes, why?" She tells me that she knows the girl and she just turned 18. GREAT TIMING!! This girl had been here for 3 hours, she waits till now to tell me this. Not that it mattered anyway because I could have given a rats ass. Heck, if it were up to me the place would be flooded with high schoolers.
Thankfully the night ended and unfortunately without incident. Gee I can hardly wait for Thursday night's Karaoke........
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