Why Hookers are a Good Time....

So a few weeks ago I show up and the bar is fairly quiet. The locals had not yet begun turning themselves into bigger drains on society tonight....wait for it....wait for it...wait for it..... BAM! In through the door walks about 25 sloshed souls. A pub crawl was on tap tonight.... YIPPIE! So much fun I could barely hold my colon. I was immediately overwhelmed by dumb. There was cheering, clapping, spilled drinks, and creatures large and small. Some chick got offended that I did not card her because it was her 21st birthday and wanted to show her ID. I suggested she show me something else instead...she chuckled but her parents did not. Hey I'm not PC! 5 minutes later the girl was getting her picture taken with a bunch of her friends and I can proudly say that somewhere right now there is a glorious picture of 21 year old drunk girl, her aunt, her father, and Yurri. I can only assume the aunt had it framed and displayed it on her nightstand next to her blood pressure meds and dentures. So hot! FYI, I too am on blood pressure meds.... things make me mad, whatever! OK, where was I...oh yes HELL!

Amongst the pub crawl attendies were 3 skanks. I can only assume they were skanks because they were wearing see through pants, backless shirts, covered in tatoos and piercings....and oh yeah were hookers. Seriously, actual bonafide prostitutes. How do I know this you ask??? Well I'll tell you. I noticed the 3 hookers on all fours, which is probably common place for them, but raised suspicion in a bar. It was quite an interesting sight seeing the 3 barely dressed cum rags crawling around the floor with a flashlight. I asked one of them what they were doing and with Jim Beam breath she informed me that the tall fugly ho was laughing at something and her fake front tooth fell out of her mouth and they can't find it. She proceeded to tell me that she was also a hooker and that the 3 of them work together... I was overwhelemed with face cracking brilliant information that I burst into a sudden laughing fit. I was so ammused by this the hooker telling me also burst into ha-ha tears and the 2 of us were making a bigger scene then the whores on the floor. Eventually they gave up the search and when I saw the mouth of the toothless 'tute I fell into another fit of laughing shits right in front of her. OH MY GOD SHE HAD A HOLE IN HER FACE! Ironically, she was so embarrassed she had to leave. Now I could not image the things that have touched that tooth and the things she must have done to lose that tooth, but this embarrassed her. Oh, I pat myself on the back for that! My mission that night was to find that tooth...capture it in a jar.... and display it proudly in the bar. To my surprise the tooth was nowhere to be found, unless the girl was using an old chicken wing or a bottle cap for a tooth. Pure class!!!

Interesting note: The week prior to this the bar back was happily telling me about some cute chick that gave him her number...turns out that the hooker speaking to me was that girl. I told him that night that she was a hooker and he no longer wanted to brag about it. Call me crazy but sounds to me like a sure thing!