I've often wrestled with the question of which state was the gayest in the country. I mean all of them have their own gay tendencies in some form or another, but there has to be one that stands out from the crowd and truly is a gay state. After much deliberation and thought on this topic I think I finally narrowed it down to the clear winner....
On the surface a few states immediatly jump out as the front runners; California, New York, Florida. But we can eliminate them with several arguments. California seems like an easy answer because of the high gay population in San Francisco. But can a city devoted to queens really be enough to crown CA as the winner? I think not. The state is much too large, possibly if it were Rhode Island or Delaware, but California needs more against it then just San Fran. There's enough testosterone in Hollywood, Muscle Beach, and the porn industry to keep this state from turning fag. True there is gay porn but the majority of the porn is guy on girl or girl on girl and I don't consider girl on girl being gay....more like erotic!!! Plus the Terminator is the governor and he would never let his state hide the pickle. Next we visit New York. I mean there is a huge gay population in Manhattan and they have a place called Queens. Even John Rocker thinks it's gay, but then again he's a dumb redneck so you know he's misinformed! As liberal as NY is, one thing it's not....is GAY. It's the toughest city in the world...outside the Middle East that is. There are far too many mobsters, gangsters and history in that state to turn it gay. Now we come to Florida. Now when we think of Florida we usually picture 2 things; a limp phallic like shaped land form as seen on a map (gay), and a sweaty fruit roller balding down Miami Beach in a thong (damn gay). However as blatantly homo as these are, FL has 2 things working against it; the elderly and Cubans. They represent about 80% of Florida and neither one tolerates gays and would not allow their state to become the land of the Liberace's.
So eliminating these 3 states leaves us with only.....47 or so. Texas??? No way! I think we can all say that's not possible. In fact I would say no state that has a large Mexican population would be considered gay...far too religious! Idaho is shaped like a big hard wiener...but not enough there. Maybe if we were discussing pig fuckers or goat spanking then Idaho, Iowa, Oklahoma, Nebraska and Wyoming would be candidates. Utah? Nope, they like it straight...with lots of people. And maybe they'll kidnap a kid or two, but not gay. West Virginia? In-breeders, not fags. Alaska? To damn cold to be gay. Georgia, Mississippi, Alabama? Wife beaters and wouldn't tolerate flamers.
Now this search has forced me to think outside the box and look deeper. It has brought me to the winner...the sleeper if you will. And upon further review it appears more obvious then ever. The gayest state is easily Oregon. I mean come on folks. That place is full of forests and state parks. That's fag breeding grounds. Gays are always going on camping trips and admiring nature. That place is swarming with fudge packers climbing trees and bull dykes hiking through the mountains. Recall how California was supposed to drop off into the ocean, but never did? That's because the gays in Oregon suck so hard!!! The state is situated close enough to the San Fran homo hot bed but far enough away not to draw suspicion. Well I'm on to all of you hamster hiders! You may not be the sparkling, glam, Rupaul screaming queers that we were looking for, but like they say, it's the quiet ones you need to watch!
No comments:
Post a Comment